Father's Day 2010

Father's Day, 2010.  My first Father's Day without Dad.  He's been gone just over six-months now.  In fact, this Tuesday, June 22, will mark the six-month anniversary since my brothers and I carried Dad one final time.  It was a short walk from the hearse to the grave, but it was the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life.  I know it wasn't any easier for my brothers or my sister.  I also remember how proud, and sad I was when they played taps, then removed the flag from Dad's casket and presented it to Mom.  

Today, I'm in St. Louis visiting with my wife's family, but there's a terrible void in my heart from not being able to share this day with Dad, even though it was nice to be able to celebrate Father's Day with Mary's father.  

I spoke to my sister Lisa this morning and she told me that her husband had secretly delivered a bench to Dad's graveside yesterday, so that Lisa could spend as much time as she needed to be with Dad  I know she visits often.  

I also spoke with my daughter Kimberly and my Mom this morning, and promised to have an extra White Castle hamburger for Dad while I'm in St. Louis, just like I used to do when he was still with us.  He always wanted to hear how things were going on my vacations and I always wished he could have been here to share a sack of White Castles with me.  I still wish that, more than ever.  I know he's happy, but I don't kid myself to think that Dad's keeping an eye on us from Heaven.  How could he be happy if he had to see the many tears we've shed for him?.  No, I'm sure his happiness would simply be the anticipation of our eventual Heavenly reunion.

Pardon me for being a little gloomy this year  Many of you have already lost one or both of your parents, but this is all new to me. We tend to think of our fathers as strong and indestructible throughout most of their life.  This isn't the first time I've had trouble facing reality and it won't be the last.  In the meantime, thanks for letting me lean on you for support . . .